ELove's Brain Online

No one made me feel more important then Adria. She made me want to shower every day, make food, do laundry and actually fold it. She helped me clean the apartment and my room and it was so fun for her. She amazed me with her kind spirit and loving nature. We would take walks around the neighborhood and it was the most fun thing to her. Sometimes I wish we had a little of Adria in us to remember the small things. Remember the days we would stare at the ground and make fantasies about the ants crawling around. Seeing her do it was like breathing the freshest air on earth. I talk about Adria as my own because I felt she was mine. I am not having my own children and Adria was this perfect angelic child that loved me. She really loved me and to be honest and not corny I would give me life for her with a blink of an eye. I think about the things she was gonna do in her life. I always had such as what her prom dress would look like, when she was gonna be a snotty teenager, and what she would look standing at the alter with the most handsome kind man. You know how people say sometimes live their lives through their kids well I did. She was so sharp, energetic, intelligent and could make friends with everyone, and EVERYONE loved her the second they met her. She was everything I had always wanted to be. Funny to admire a five year old. Oh and she was beeeeeautiful. From the day she was born I loved her rose bud lips her big grey eyes and her long lashes. Now that I think about it she looked like those wide-eyed angels they sell in ceramic. One time I heard her stirring in the morning. The sounds of her moms bedroom door opening, then the stool being pushed, and the cubbard being open and shut. She was a master mind theif. I listened to it several times and counted how many of her treats she was stealing before her mom woke up. I thought it would be funny to scare her. So one morning I heard the push of the stool waiting till i knew she had taken the candy, opened my door and yelled "what are you doing!!!!???." Adria burst into tears I had scared her to death. When she burst into tears I held her close now myself being scared to death cause she was crying hysterical. I explained to her that I was just joking and was trying ot scare her and if she stopped crying she could take the candy and I would not tell her mom. Funny how right after I said that she stopped crying. She had the best crocidile money could buy haha. She bounced of to her room with her candy and I realized I had just been decieved. Hey she was damn good she deserved the candy plus you cannot be mad at Adria its not possible. For instance: I watched after Adria for about three months when I first moved in with her mom when her mom was at work. I decided that after we played in the afternoon we would learn the ABC's. I had color in pictures and she worked hard. I went to walk out the door one day and say a large A in black crayon on the front door. My jaw dropped. Now it was a perfect A but um not on our white front door. You just cannot get mad at her. Now I cherish the time we share in my prayers. She is having so much freaking fun it's ridiculous though she misses her mom and family a lot. Her mom will not speak to me. In one way I see why like what are we supposed to do sit down and have lunch together when looking at Elisa is like looking at Adria. On the other hand I needed my best friend. I went to the funeral which I do not normally do. I think funerals are for the living and personally they make things a whole lot worse for me. I will always be haunted by her funeral. I will never get the picture of that little white casket out of my head. I do not know if anything could quite hurt as much as losing Adria honestly. Though I am thankful that she never knew sin, hard ache, rage, or sorrow. I will never get over Adria I still think about her several times a day. I do not know how to move on, let go and if I want to let go. I want to hold on to her forever. Seeing her face when I close my eyes, hearing her voice and laughter, smelling her when I take deep breaths. God I miss the way she smells.