ELove's Brain Online

So scientists know little about the brain................well they really need to get on that. I am completely insane, no really. I can remember insanity back when I was a tiny little child maybe five years old. I would lie in my little twin bed in my dark, cold room listening to the hundred year old oak trees scratching at the windows. I would have my eyes wide open saying to myself "Emily do not think about that (would be anything, when I was a child I felt guilt and this sickening feeling of being morally wrong often). It is the devil telling you to think that way." I would shut my eyes and, my mind, as if a little kid racing to the Christmas presents before the other kids got any, I would think of that one thing I told myself not to think about. My eyes would burst open because I, of course, thought the devil had crept inside my brain. Here I am twenty years later and well, scientists, I still think the devil is in my brain and in my body now for you have offered no other explanations. Makes me think about when they used to lock people with mental illnesses up in prisons. I have news for ya kiddos we already are locked up in prison. Its called being crazy and no one has a flipping clue why. I will tell various stories about my mental illnesses and of course some probably have run and hid the second I mentioned the word, like they might catch it if they read my blog. I suffer with massive depression that is cyclical in a bipolar fashion except I get really fucking sad then just kinda sad, anxiety, and OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). So yeah that's what the fancy doctors came up with which they had not told me until ummm four years into my treatment. Oh and you name a drug and I have been on it so don't do the whole, "oh try this medicine and all your problems will melt away." My latest psychiatrist wrote down all the drugs I have tried and it stunned him (this man shows no emotion and he was stunned). I am at a point in my life where I understand or rather accept my mental illness. I am over being scared to tell people or accepting it as my life. I'M FUCKING INSANE!!!!! See. I still go through hard times especially with trying to have a relationship with my amazing boyfriend. I do not want to take any more medication besides the sedative I take daily because frankly my life is better being mentally ill then mentally ill with shitty side effects. I have a lot more to say about this but kinda needed to get an overview out of me. Fun stuff!